Friday, January 02, 2009
well hello there (: its a brand new year and still no computer. roar. i shall start fulfilling one of my unsaid resolution to attempt writing down my thoughts again. because not writing down my thoughts has caused a hell of a rollercoaster ride this past year.

it has been an average year so far. nothing much has changed except for the bloody hangover i had after a night of the nastiest drink served by the wonderful dominic at play. fucking tweenies prancing around in their little skirts and skinnies and going "oh my god. vanessa is so prettieeeeeeeeeeee! HOW HOW HOW?!!!" shriek shriek shriek and you can only imagine how i reacted.

what a fucking stupid reaction to have.

...

what young punks they have these days. im sure they've only caught the latest season of L word lah please. and since when did jenny became sexedup dorothy from wizard of oz? i dont remember her anywhere near a pole. but then again, the enthusiasm of some people.

some boring last night. too many tweenies and trannies and sexed up bungs who cant keep their fucking hands off. baby made it ok (: and dominic. a little. even though his drink was nasty. no amount of lemon can ever make things ok ): ): ):

...

well, happy new year everyone. not much to roar about already. i miss all my friends back in mi. especially my 05a2 people. ah well. new year, new beginnings, forget the past, lose that baggage and bla bla bla.

people i know have changed. from young innocent things to sexedup kittens of tmr. much preening and prancing in little twirly skirts. so changed on the outside yet still deliriously empty on the inside. its sad. but its the truth. we all want to be part of a label that distinguishes us and puts us in a spotlight when we are together. mine is very sex and the city. whats yours?

over the months, we all gain a little insight into the people around us. its a good laugh everytime i talk about them to baby. they think they dont know that we know. but perhaps, we dont know that they know too. watch your back people. or better still, believe in karma and spread the lurveeeeee (:

no more drinking for the rest of the year. i have drunk enough for one night to last me a whole year. baby is mighty pissed. but more so for the stupid young bung who couldnt keep her hands off.

thanks to janice and tricia for their care and concern and the ride home afters. cheers! (:

and much concealed love and kisses and thanks to lamby (:(:(:

riahh ranted at 8:03:00 PM

Tuesday, September 30, 2008
hello darling.

i am flying off on thursday and i wont have the time to see you again. my only regret is not being able to run my hands more freely over your face, to feel your features, your large bambi eyes, your tiny little pout, the arch of your brows, your nose. i will miss you and the feel of your soft soft lips on mine and the whisper of your words on my skin.

i will miss you. i will miss you so much.

wait for me honey. wait for my return (:

till then, be safe, be happy, be strong. dont ever let jerks get you down. you are suited to better things, greater things. there are places still for you to explore. greater pieces for you to write. greater things still to be achieved. and i know you will do all these.

i will be right beside you, holding you and making sure that you never hurt after you fall.

i love you. i love you and i love you (:

no one will bring us down.

i could never ask for someone better.

riahh ranted at 11:02:00 PM

Wednesday, September 03, 2008
we've lasted this long.

eat your hearts out motherfuckers.

fourteen months and counting (: ive never felt happier, never felt so loved. she brings me such indescribable joy and happiness. she's the only one who will see my hunger, my resolve, my pain and my vulnerability. she's taken me to places only we both know. nothing will break us. nothing has broken us.

the world is nobody, nobody when we dance our waltz, lost in each other and aware of no one and nothing but the touch of warm skin against warm skin, warm breath against warm cheeks and fingertips lightly running down one's back. the longer we dance, the stronger we become, and i await that special moment, with bated breath, of that one special kiss that will make the whole world all right.

like i said, eat your hearts out motherfuckers. the world is ours.

my live revolve around two separate, parallel spheres, thankyouverymuch. and thats just the way i like it to be. the girlfriend is learning to be wonderfully patient and understanding and receptive towards my needs.

i love you, baby.

your butterfly kisses are very much missed.

i have fallen in love all over again.

riahh ranted at 2:16:00 AM

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
you receive ten fold what you deliver. you are your own worst enemy. especially if your enemy is a startling resemblance of you in the mirror. especially when you fight a losing battle and you lash out in defense and all you hit is glass. and as it shatters around you in fragments of defeat, the shards hit you and you feel the pain. but the pain isnt meant for you. because the fight wasnt supposed to happen. because you meant to take back the words that caused the hurt.

you are your own worst enemy, especially if that startling resemblance in the mirror is your mother.

because we were made to disagree and argue and conflict. because we were made in ways where we suffer through our own tribulations and we crawl and find our own comfort holes. our comfort holes are not each other. sometimes something causes a deep chasm to form, so deep, it takes too much effort to climb out of and we give up halfway, seeking reasons, excuses, lies as exposed roots of an overturned tree and blame them but ourselves.

we were made that way. and it kills us. most times we make up. and other times, it gnaws at me from inside, faulting myself for reasons unknown to me. i want to take back the words and i want her to escape her hurt and stop using me as an excuse to lash out.

because i am human and i have feelings and i have gone through hurt too. as i learn to fight back on my own two feet, i give and endlessly give to the people around me. i care for my family and i show. a long tiring day of work and i come home and i ask if they've studied, if they've eaten, what they did in school and buy them little snacks to motivate them.

i am but a shadow that live amongst them. i would love to have someone ask me how my day was. if i have eaten, if work was ok, if i was tired, if people bullied me.

one mistake. one mistake of a wrong choice and everyone turns their back against me.

its stifling. its like being in a perpetual game where one wrong word strikes of one life point. i have my personal count. and its slowly decreasing. its a daily battle, and every night i thank God i survived. survived the day enough to not worsen things. i try, during every waking minute to better things. i try them out. fail, try again. try again.

and try again.

a mistake of chance. i was given a choice where there can be no wrong answer.

i want to live a life where the decision i make is mine and mine alone and it can hurt nor disappoint anyone. i am tired and worn out from trying to mold myself into different characters in this tragic comedy, where i am no one yet everyone at the same time.

there is us. we exist. i will and have given up everything to make her happy. she is me and my everything. we cannot be without the other. separated and there is no air, no air, no air to breathe, to embrace, to cling on to life. things have changed, are changing. everyday it is a challenge, but still i wake and fight. fight with her by my side, in my mind, in me.

she feels it now. i dont know what it is she feels. but i feel her feeling it. this elusive, strange thing that has many names. i sense her dancing with it, a shy dance of newness, strangeness and feel her smile in my hair, the soft voice leaving sweet trails on my skin. delicious, but so elusive.

for you a thousand times over. dorset darum, mon cherie.

riahh ranted at 10:25:00 PM

Monday, July 07, 2008
le sister is back (: and she has brought with her many goodies amongst which lies my brand new mango bag and a top. my birthday presents for this year! GOOD STUFF. not to mention the tapioca crackers which she made! well she peeled them anyway. lols.

WELCOME HOME SIS! much loveeeee.

and so today, i saved a bird's life. a baby mynah got lost at toa payoh hub and i got really worried. i was panicking, bordering close on hysteria. i was so worried for the little un. and so i walked all over with it, clucking and cooing the poor tyke until i finally convinced an ah pek to move him to higher grounds to avoid being stepped on. some worries about being eaten by cats but in the end we just left him among the bushes! hope his mummy finds him soon. i really hate seeing animals in distress! i will do anything to ease their burden, whatever it takes (:

i may be crazy about cats, but im crazier when it comes to helpess animals. I HATE PEOPLE WHO ABUSE ANIMALS. these people have no conscience within themselves. they are just empty walking shells. heartless, soul-less, and senseless.

roar.

anywayyyy. i cant stand people who pick their noses. i dont even pick my OWN nose. wtfffff.

i miss honey today ): its been a long day. i cleaned the room. it looks amazing. cant wait for lunch with isk tmr.

and today.. smiles.

self gratification is guilty pleasure. honey, you've never sounded better. i love you.

riahh ranted at 12:03:00 AM

Sunday, July 06, 2008
pouts pouts pouts (:

my sister is coming back today! with lots of good stuff to boot! weeeeeee. cleaning the room and ridding them of the bloody dust bunnies. i am going gaga over my cats. i am feeling for some laksa right now. oh randomness.

yesterday time spent with pink was a little love (: awkward the first few moments and its uncanny how fate robs you of time when things are getting real chummy. had nice slow food. and then tea and such at the usual corduroy and finch. crowded like fuck but manageable.

yes the blogging will still be a bit of bitchfuck. unfortunately, someone actually blogs like me. this is disgusting.

alice sebold's almost moon is really not half bad. or maybe thats because im motivated by my new magnetic clip on cat bookmark. hahahahaha.

oh check this out. i did the what does your birthday say about you shiznit:

* You have the boss character, but not a leader.

* Most people look up to you for your capability and confidence although they find you quite stubborn. You should listen more to others.

* You are a unique and charming individual.

* Your Love: You hardly take the moderate track. You either love or hate someone.

* Whom you call friends are the chosen ones. If any of them betray you, you won't let them get away without having a hard time.

hahahaha. wtffff.

ok i miss liyi. come back soon liyi!

riahh ranted at 1:03:00 PM

Saturday, July 05, 2008
work was ok today i guess (: im happy honey dropped by my blog (:

bought stuff for the brother. im sure he'll love them. they're little snacks for when he's studying. after all its the big O that he's working for this year. cleanse your mind you little bastards. plenty of time for that other O when he's all grown up and proper.

talked to the gf's sister today (: im happy she's happy. shall be meeting up with her soon for some serious breakfast buffet. smacks lips. lols. its gonna be some pretty good week ahead. my birthday has been a tad overwhelming this year. what with so much treats, i can hardly remember what i want to eat anymore ):

BUT, my friends, there can never be too much cake! i am a cake lover and will eat cake for moolah! (:

... right.

so cats being cats, i am meeting pink for lunch tmr! (: i feel like eating fishball noodles and chicken rice but i shall save that for isk when he takes me out on monday! nothing beats good old hawker food on a birthday! isk is love!

all in all it has been a pretty rewarding day. honey called and told me all about uma and im glad that it sort of woke her up and she asked me, finally (: even though i wasnt too happy being crouched in such an unfashionable and un-vogue position. ambience and atmosphere is very important to me ok! so i whined a little and asked her to ask me again (:

such love. oh and get a load of this!

Drama Queen says:
and you forgot my bday ):

~ ©h@rM ~ Jesus take the wheel ~ says:
i didn't forget.

~ ©h@rM ~ Jesus take the wheel ~ says:
but i was afraid to msg you.

~ ©h@rM ~ Jesus take the wheel ~ says:
cos i heard you and shiva has problems so i thought you'd ignore me even if i msg. then when ppl
are pissed you know you are afraid of them..

~ ©h@rM ~ Jesus take the wheel ~ says:
and now that i tell you that i've risked you being pissed with me.

~ ©h@rM ~ Jesus take the wheel ~ says:
so it's scary.

hahahaha. oh man. im so weirded out cause here is a fellow cancerian who's voicing the exact train of thoughts that i would probably have.

good night all. the night is not young anymore and i am shagged. lovelove honey! (:

riahh ranted at 1:27:00 AM